1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,720 This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:05,280 from the outset and throughout. 3 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,600 (BABY GRIZZLES) 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,000 5 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:16,360 6 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,360 Shh, shh, shh. 7 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:22,240 8 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,000 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:24,280 10 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,360 Oh, Mummy loves it when you stay up all night(!) 11 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,960 OK, bubba. 12 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,600 OK, baby. 13 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,000 (BABY FARTS) Oh! Sc-use you! 14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:40,120 (BABY FARTS) Oh! Sc-use you! 15 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,480 16 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,600 17 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,560 18 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,000 19 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,040 20 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,480 Oh, fuck! Ahh. 21 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,880 You OK? 22 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,840 Shit. Hey, you OK? (SOBS AND LAUGHS) 23 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,000 Hey. Why are you lying in the baby's shit bags? 24 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,080 Hey. Why are you lying in the baby's shit bags? 25 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,920 I guess it's comfortable. Jesus, it fucking stinks! 26 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,320 Oh, I was clearing up. But I said I'd do that. 27 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,000 I know. (LAUGHS) 28 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:12,760 I know. (LAUGHS) 29 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,240 (CHUCKLES) I love you. 30 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,920 I love you, too. 31 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:20,000 Hey. Hey. (BABY GURGLES) 32 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,760 Hey. Hey. (BABY GURGLES) 33 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,840 Will you marry me? 34 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:28,000 (LAUGHS) Are you fucking joking? 35 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,200 (LAUGHS) Are you fucking joking? 36 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,120 I... 37 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,720 have never been more serious in my life. 38 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,000 Yeah. Yeah? 39 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,400 Yeah. Yeah? 40 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,280 (CHUCKLES) Yeah! 41 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,000 Money (That's What I Want) 42 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,680 Money (That's What I Want) 43 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,000 are free... 44 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,000 Who knows what tomorrow brings? Only the wind. 45 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,640 Who knows what tomorrow brings? Only the wind. 46 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:57,240 Who knows why the telephone rings? Only the wind. 47 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,000 Who knows which way the road will turn? 48 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,480 Who knows which way the road will turn? 49 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,720 Only the wind. Yeah. 50 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,640 It's a poem by JD Marquis. 51 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,080 I just don't understand what that's got to do 52 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,000 with me telling you that my life's in disarray. 53 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,640 with me telling you that my life's in disarray. 54 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,640 All me mates are fucking sorted, they have a future, 55 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,960 and I'm the fucking late one to the party again, you great twat. 56 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,400 Know what I mean? Only the wind can tell you that. 57 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,240 Should I go out there now, Christopher, 58 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,800 and ask the fucking wind? 59 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,800 Always reminds me of Melinda. (GROANS) 60 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:24,000 We were in Mexico. Tulum. 61 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,440 We were in Mexico. Tulum. 62 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,040 You ever been there? No. 63 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,480 Idiot. 64 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,000 It's amazing. We were on a poetry retreat. 65 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,160 It's amazing. We were on a poetry retreat. 66 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,560 Her idea. She'd rented this eco-cabana on the beach. 67 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,320 We'd been swimming in the ocean. 68 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,920 I'm having a shower and she comes in 69 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,000 and wraps her beautiful arms around me. 70 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:40,920 and wraps her beautiful arms around me. 71 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,840 And then she slid herself down and... 72 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,920 Just noshes you off. ..and pleasures me. 73 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,000 And on the wind at that very moment came that poem - to me. 74 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,040 And on the wind at that very moment came that poem - to me. 75 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,960 Dude, how in the fuck do you get from MY sadness... 76 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000 to YOU being on a beach? It's all linked, Vinnie. 77 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:56,160 to YOU being on a beach? It's all linked, Vinnie. 78 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,360 It's not fucking linked! It is. It's all about... 79 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,280 loss and sorrow and sadness. I'm leaving. 80 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,000 Fine. 81 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:04,320 Fine. 82 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,920 Listen, am I invited to this reception? 83 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,000 (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) 84 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,040 (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) 85 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,160 (CLEARS THROAT) 86 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,680 (ALL GASP) 87 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,000 Oh, my God! 88 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,680 Oh, my God! 89 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,880 Mate, you look absolutely beautiful. 90 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,000 I look like what I am - tired, with massive tits and dry skin. 91 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,160 I look like what I am - tired, with massive tits and dry skin. 92 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,840 Oh, shut up. I think you look a million dollars. 93 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,880 Aw. 94 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,000 Cos, you know, she's never been a classic beauty. 95 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,680 Cos, you know, she's never been a classic beauty. 96 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,920 More of like a quirky quack-quack, quack-quack, quack-quack-quack. 97 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,160 (QUACKS) Thanks, Mum. 98 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,000 (HORN TOOTS) Your chauffeur awaits! Let's go! 99 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,240 (HORN TOOTS) Your chauffeur awaits! Let's go! 100 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,440 (CHEERING) 101 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,040 Oh, my God! 102 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,680 Oh, my God. 103 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:52,000 And the best part is, we're taking the long way there! 104 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,400 And the best part is, we're taking the long way there! 105 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,000 (CHEERING) 106 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,800 107 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,000 108 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,680 109 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,800 110 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,160 (PIANO MUSIC IN BACKGROUND) 111 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,000 (WHISPERING) 112 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:08,960 (WHISPERING) 113 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,080 Oi, listen. Don't laugh, right, but... 114 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,960 that registrar, he keeps on gurning. 115 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,280 Look. He's getting a tic. 116 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,880 That's not a fucking tic. 117 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,760 No, that's not a tic. I went out with a fella with a tic once. 118 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,000 Gorgeous, he was. Every time he laughed, he..."Ha-ha!" 119 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,480 Gorgeous, he was. Every time he laughed, he..."Ha-ha!" 120 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,240 Let me guess, you fucked him though? I did, yeah. 121 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,080 There was no laughing in that bedroom, 122 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,000 I'll tell you that much for free. 123 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:32,880 I'll tell you that much for free. 124 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,240 What was his cum face like? Dude. 125 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,240 Why would I tell you that? 126 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,080 The bride is in the building! 127 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,000 Yeah, let's hope she's not married already. 128 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,440 Yeah, let's hope she's not married already. 129 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,560 For fuck... That's... Dude, fucking hell, man. 130 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,280 (You Don't Know) How Glad I Am 131 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,440 132 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,880 Ooh, she's fit. 133 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,000 Yeah. Eh? 134 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:56,320 Yeah. Eh? 135 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,160 136 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,760 137 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,280 138 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,000 Here she is. Ooh. 139 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,080 Here she is. Ooh. 140 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,000 Mate. You look great, Sugar. 141 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:12,320 Mate. You look great, Sugar. 142 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,960 You look beautiful. 143 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,240 Oh. Liz. Liz. 144 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,000 (MUSIC FADES) 145 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,880 (MUSIC FADES) 146 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,560 (WHISPERS) 147 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,680 Welcome, everyone. 148 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:36,000 We're here today to witness Jehan and Mary... 149 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,280 We're here today to witness Jehan and Mary... 150 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,320 Mary? ..formally pledge their love, 151 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,080 to be united in marriage 152 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,000 and offer each other the security that comes 153 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,200 and offer each other the security that comes 154 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,840 from promises faithfully kept. 155 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,960 (What the fuck?) They are choosing to make 156 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,480 a commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. 157 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,000 But first, I call upon any person here present 158 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,800 But first, I call upon any person here present 159 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,840 who knows of any lawful impediment, 160 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,200 to declare it now. 161 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,000 (MUTTERING AND CHUCKLING) Don't say it. 162 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:08,600 (MUTTERING AND CHUCKLING) Don't say it. 163 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,200 Who has the rings? 164 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,880 There you go. Thank you. 165 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,000 Please repeat after me. 166 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,720 Please repeat after me. 167 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,360 Mary... 168 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,520 Mary. 169 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,000 ..I offer you this ring... ..I offer you this ring... 170 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:24,680 ..I offer you this ring... ..I offer you this ring... 171 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,040 ..as a symbol of my love and affection. 172 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,640 ..as a symbol of my love and affection. 173 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,000 Now you, Mary. 174 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:32,160 Now you, Mary. 175 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,760 Jehan... Jehan... 176 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,800 ..I offer YOU this ring... ..I offer YOU this ring... 177 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,000 ..as a symbol of MY love... ..as a symbol of my love... 178 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,520 ..as a symbol of MY love... ..as a symbol of my love... 179 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,240 ..and affection. 180 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,760 ..and affection. 181 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,880 You may place them on each other's fingers. 182 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:57,840 Aw. 183 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,000 You've made an unbreakable bond 184 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,000 in front of guests and witnesses, 185 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,680 in front of guests and witnesses, 186 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:09,480 and declared in law your binding contract of marriage. 187 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,000 And it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you... 188 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,920 And it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you... 189 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,680 ..husband and wife. 190 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,960 (CHEERING) 191 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,200 192 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,160 193 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,000 194 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:28,160 195 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,440 with my everlasting love 196 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,120 197 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,000 198 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,080 199 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:40,040 everlasting love 200 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,000 201 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,000 202 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:44,200 203 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,920 (DANCE MUSIC BLARES) 204 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,160 Oi! Ratboy Slim! 205 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,520 Never mind all this fucking... 206 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,000 no-words, woo-woo... 207 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:00,840 no-words, woo-woo... 208 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,760 acidy fucking grungy garagey shit. 209 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,440 Play one we all know. 210 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:08,000 Not that kind of DJ, brother. 211 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,800 Not that kind of DJ, brother. 212 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,840 It's a fucking wedding. 213 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,440 We need something we can sing along to. 214 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:16,000 Fucking shut up. Fucking Come On Eileen. 215 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,240 Fucking shut up. Fucking Come On Eileen. 216 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,960 Hey, fucking Livin' La Vida Loca. No. 217 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000 Mickey by Toni fucking Basil. 218 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,280 Mickey by Toni fucking Basil. 219 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,720 Oh, fucking hell! I'll have a look. Good. 220 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,360 Ooh, 'ey. No, no. 221 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,000 I have got the fucking perfect song. 222 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,560 I have got the fucking perfect song. 223 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,400 Lovely ceremony. Even with the... 224 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,800 Ah, yeah, thanks. Are you going on a honeymoon? 225 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,000 Three days in Barcelona. Sugar's mum's gonna look after the baby. 226 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,040 Three days in Barcelona. Sugar's mum's gonna look after the baby. 227 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,480 She can barely pull a pint. Is she good at looking after kids? 228 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,640 Nah, but, you know, we'll be on the muscatel, innit. 229 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,000 Anyway, look, I'm sure she will keep him alive. 230 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,760 Anyway, look, I'm sure she will keep him alive. 231 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,080 Ladies and gentlemen, special request. 232 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,520 Bride and groom on the dancefloor, yeah? 233 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,120 Can't believe I'm playing this. 234 00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,560 This one... 235 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,600 (CHEERING) 236 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,600 237 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:04,000 238 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,160 239 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,400 Come on! 240 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,680 Fucking right! 241 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,760 242 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,000 243 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,440 244 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:16,880 245 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,600 246 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,000 Oh, bloody hell. 247 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,720 Oh, bloody hell. 248 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,360 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 249 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,000 Who the fuck's that? She's fit. I would. 250 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:28,320 Who the fuck's that? She's fit. I would. 251 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,280 If I was a lesbian, which - trust me - I've considered. 252 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,080 Christ. 253 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,000 Alright, love? 254 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,040 Alright, love? 255 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,000 Vinnie O'Neil? Yeah. The very same, yeah. 256 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,000 I'm sorry to come to your friends' wedding but... 257 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,760 It's alright. What's going on? 258 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,000 Can I speak to you? You ARE speaking to me. 259 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,600 Can I speak to you? You ARE speaking to me. 260 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,160 Somewhere private. 261 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:52,000 Yeah. Shall we have a... 262 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Yeah. Shall we have a... 263 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,120 Sweetheart... 264 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,080 ..what...what's going on? 265 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,640 It's Dylan. 266 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,480 What about him? 267 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,000 I'm his girlfriend. 268 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,360 I'm his girlfriend. 269 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,920 I was. 270 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,720 He's dead, Vinnie. 271 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,720 Dylan's dead. 272 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:32,000 It... It was a bike accident. 273 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,560 It... It was a bike accident. 274 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,240 What are you talking about? 275 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,000 He was on his way to work. A kid ran out, he swerved and... 276 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:40,560 He was on his way to work. A kid ran out, he swerved and... 277 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,680 He just got knocked off. 278 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,440 What are you talking about? 279 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,280 Dylan's never rode a bike in his fucking life. 280 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,000 I'm so sorry, Vin. 281 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,080 I'm so sorry, Vin. 282 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,840 Vin? 283 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,920 What...? 284 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,840 It's Dylan. 285 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,280 Fuck! 286 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,840 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 287 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,000 Look at that. Can you do that? 288 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:20,400 Look at that. Can you do that? 289 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:21,920 No. Stop delaying. 290 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,800 What about this? (ROBOTICALLY) I am a robot. 291 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,560 (ROBOTIC GRUNTS) 292 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,000 It's a long way down. 293 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:28,600 It's a long way down. 294 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,680 That's the thrill of it. 295 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,800 You go first. No, we did rock, paper, scissors. 296 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,000 What if it's not deep enough? 297 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:36,080 What if it's not deep enough? 298 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,040 Vin, I looked up the depth and that's without the rain we've had. 299 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,640 It's definitely deep enough. 300 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:44,000 If I end up paraplegic, Dildo, you're the one pushing me around. 301 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:44,800 If I end up paraplegic, Dildo, you're the one pushing me around. 302 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,320 Aargh! 303 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,680 (PANTING) It's fucking freezing! 304 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,000 Come on! 305 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,440 Nah. I think I'll just smoke this. 306 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,000 Can I tell you a secret? Anything. 307 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,000 I don't ever want to be normal. How do you mean? 308 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:00,240 I don't ever want to be normal. How do you mean? 309 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,960 Well, you see them. (ALARMS) 310 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,080 They get up same time every day, 311 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,800 go to a job they hate. 312 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,560 They look unhappy. 313 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:08,000 What's the point of it all? 314 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,120 What's the point of it all? 315 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,520 So shall we make a pact? Never be normal? 316 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,640 Never be normal. 317 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,000 BOTH: Never be normal! 318 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,040 BOTH: Never be normal! 319 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,760 What the fuck? 320 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:24,000 He talked about you a lot, you know. 321 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,560 He talked about you a lot, you know. 322 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,640 And you, Erin, and your little boy. (VINNIE EXHALES) 323 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,120 He was my best friend. How can he not exist? 324 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,920 (LAUGHS) 325 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,320 He missed yous. 326 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,080 (SNIFFLES) 327 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,000 I might just have a bit of a walk. 328 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,080 I might just have a bit of a walk. 329 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,720 Vinnie. I'm alright. 330 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,160 Vinnie, don't walk off. I don't want you to be on your own. 331 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,000 I'm alright, hon, I'm just... Need a minute. 332 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,600 I'm alright, hon, I'm just... Need a minute. 333 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,280 He, um... 334 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,320 He kept this in his wallet. 335 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,000 (GENTLE MUSIC) 336 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:12,680 (GENTLE MUSIC) 337 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,000 how to feel about it 338 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,440 how to feel about it 339 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:25,400 340 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,560 like I can't live without you 341 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,600 342 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,920 343 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:36,000 344 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,120 345 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,000 346 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:44,640 347 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,680 348 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,000 349 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:52,040 350 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,360 351 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,160 352 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,000 'What could possibly go wrong?' 353 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,000 'What could possibly go wrong?' 354 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,640 That's the stupidest plan I've heard all year. 355 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,640 Yes! (SCREAMING) 356 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,600 Oh, now we're living! Could've fucking killed us! 357 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,040 Oh, fuck me! Jesus! 358 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,000 359 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:16,360 360 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,560 361 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,000 I know you're Tyler's father. 362 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:24,320 I know you're Tyler's father. 363 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,160 Do you know what? You created a life with her. 364 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,480 And she kept it, man. She kept yours and she got rid of mine. 365 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,000 'I really miss you, dude. 366 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,680 'I really miss you, dude. 367 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,200 Be careful.' 368 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,760 Love you, man. 369 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,000 'I love you.' 370 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,200 'I love you.' 371 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:47,320 which one of us is caving 372 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,000 how to feel about it... 373 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,000 (KNOCKING) 374 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,240 (KNOCKING) 375 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,280 How are you, Vinnie? You alright, Carol? 376 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,640 Ah, listen. 377 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,000 I'm so sorry. 378 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:04,280 I'm so sorry. 379 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,960 No-one should have to lose their best friend. 380 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:11,160 Everyone's just a bit worried, so I thought I'd see how you were. 381 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,000 Yeah. 382 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:12,840 Yeah. 383 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,560 I just wanted to be on my own. 384 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,000 Well, maybe for just an hour. Alright? For the sake of the others. 385 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,840 Well, maybe for just an hour. Alright? For the sake of the others. 386 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,600 (SIGHS) 387 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,760 Yeah. 388 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,000 Yeah? Mm-hm. 389 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,760 Yeah? Mm-hm. 390 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,240 Alright. 391 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,600 392 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:40,440 393 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,000 our roots may grow 394 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,000 our roots may grow 395 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,000 will push and pull 396 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,760 will push and pull 397 00:15:54,960 --> 00:16:00,000 398 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:00,160 399 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,800 400 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,000 Isn't it strange to think that man that you had inside you 401 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,200 Isn't it strange to think that man that you had inside you 402 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,400 is not alive any more? Mum! 403 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,720 Well, it happens to us all, sweetheart. I've got seven of them. 404 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,000 Christ!Seven? Yeah. My list of past lovers. 405 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,240 Christ!Seven? Yeah. My list of past lovers. 406 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,800 Yep, seven six feet under. 407 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,760 Maybe you've got a cursed vagina. 408 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,000 You know, in the same way that King Midas had the Midas touch, 409 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,680 You know, in the same way that King Midas had the Midas touch, 410 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,360 you've got the cursed vagina. 411 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,680 Oh, no, actually because there's 44 of them 412 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:32,000 that's doing totally fine. 413 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,360 that's doing totally fine. 414 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,440 Mum, stop talking about your vagina! 415 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,840 So you all know that Dylan's body's being transported back up today? 416 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,080 His parents have asked if I'll do the funeral. 417 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,560 Fuckin' mad Angie. What about fucking Ian? 418 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,000 Oh, I hate the guy. Who's Ian? 419 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:48,080 Oh, I hate the guy. Who's Ian? 420 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,240 Oh, Dylan's step-dad. He's ex-army. 421 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,800 The fucking worst. 422 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,560 They won't even know what Dylan wants for a funeral, anyway. 423 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,000 Fuck me, we've done it! We already did it. 424 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,680 Fuck me, we've done it! We already did it. 425 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,040 Who has? 426 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,840 Me and Dylan, right, we planned his funeral - 427 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:04,000 and mine, actually - when we were 14. 428 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,320 and mine, actually - when we were 14. 429 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,520 So we stole this car from the estate, 430 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,280 and we'd take it for a ride around the hills. 431 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,560 I took a fucking corner too fast. It spun like crazy. 432 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,480 We end up inches from this 50-foot drop. 433 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:20,000 Well, it really shat us up, 434 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,280 Well, it really shat us up, 435 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,560 and all the way home, we talked about bloody funerals. 436 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,320 And then Dylan says... 'Let's write it all down.' 437 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,000 So we got some paper from his mum's telephone pad and wrote down 438 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:28,880 So we got some paper from his mum's telephone pad and wrote down 439 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,560 everything we wanted for our funeral. 440 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,800 I mean, I don't remember what it said, like, 441 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,240 but we time-capsuled it. 442 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,000 School were doing a project, burying shit for future generations, 443 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,160 School were doing a project, burying shit for future generations, 444 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,600 so we nicked one of them capsules, 445 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,560 put all our funeral arrangements in it, and buried it. 446 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,000 (LAUGHS) Yeah. Fucking mad. 447 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:44,160 (LAUGHS) Yeah. Fucking mad. 448 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,320 We should go and dig it up. 449 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,760 Cardi, they were 14, and they were stoned. 450 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,880 Can you imagine what's written on that? 451 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,000 Loads of dick drawings and that. Yeah! Exactly. 452 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,960 Loads of dick drawings and that. Yeah! Exactly. 453 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,360 (BELL DINGS) 454 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:00,000 Hi. You must be Dylan's parents. That's right. 455 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,120 Hi. You must be Dylan's parents. That's right. 456 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,960 I hope you don't mind, but a couple of his good friends are here 457 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,800 as they'd like to offer their thoughts on his service. 458 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,440 You two cunts. 459 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,040 Still a charmer, Ian(!) 460 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,000 Ange. 461 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,080 So sorry for your loss, Angie. 462 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,160 I'm sorry for your loss, too, guys. 463 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,000 Not MY loss. He wasn't my kid. 464 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,320 Not MY loss. He wasn't my kid. 465 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,600 If he was MY kid, he would have a proper job, 466 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,520 rather than poncing around gay Brighton on gay bikes, 467 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,000 getting hit by fucking lorries. 468 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,480 getting hit by fucking lorries. 469 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,040 Do they do gay bikes now? They must do 'em. 470 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,560 Is that when one bike likes the sex, 471 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,960 like a bike of his own sex, or something? 472 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,040 Let's not make a scene. Vin. 473 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,800 By the way, twat, I want my watch back. 474 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,400 What fucking watch?! 475 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,000 The last time you came round with Dylan, you stole my watch. 476 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,320 The last time you came round with Dylan, you stole my watch. 477 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,480 I never took your fucking watch, you gobshite. 478 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,560 You're a liar and a thief. Fake TAG Heuer. 479 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,000 Me mate's died and you're fucking stood there like a- 480 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,400 Me mate's died and you're fucking stood there like a- 481 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,120 Alright. Fuckin, he's a knobhead. 482 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,640 Accusing us of stealing your watch. Not HIM - YOU. 483 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,000 We're not here to talk about watches, are we? 484 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,280 We're not here to talk about watches, are we? 485 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,840 We're here to talk about Dylan's funeral, alright? 486 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,000 Ange, have you thought about songs or readings or anything? 487 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:12,080 Ange, have you thought about songs or readings or anything? 488 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,680 Because this is no disrespect to you, right... 489 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,040 but I think we might know more than what you do. 490 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,040 That's very kind of you, Erin. 491 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,200 But I've just been crying for my dead son. 492 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:28,000 A mother should never outlive her child. 493 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,560 A mother should never outlive her child. 494 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,160 I brought him in and I'll take him out. 495 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,000 And, frankly, from the woman who aborted his child, 496 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:36,880 And, frankly, from the woman who aborted his child, 497 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,800 and the man who stole Tyler's fatherhood from him... 498 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,840 You think he never told me anything, Vinnie? Well, he DID. 499 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:44,000 He left because of YOU. 500 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,040 He left because of YOU. 501 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,080 And now I'll never see him again. 502 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,000 I couldn't care less what you pricks want. In fact... 503 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,880 I couldn't care less what you pricks want. In fact... 504 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,400 we don't even want you there. 505 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,280 I'd like to see my boy now. 506 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,440 This way. 507 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,000 Fuckers! I'm telling you, there's no way they're getting Dylan. 508 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,240 Fuckers! I'm telling you, there's no way they're getting Dylan. 509 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,240 We're throwing Dylan a fucking funeral - 510 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,120 the funeral HE would have wanted. 511 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,880 Come on. Wankers! 512 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,000 Did you steal the watch? Yeah, I stole his fucking watch! 513 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,160 Did you steal the watch? Yeah, I stole his fucking watch! 514 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,800 Listen, all we have to do is jump the fence, 515 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,000 go to the field behind the staffroom and dig up the fuckin' time capsule. 516 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,360 go to the field behind the staffroom and dig up the fuckin' time capsule. 517 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,840 Dude. What? 518 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,000 Give over. Shh! 519 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:40,000 Stop fucking pretending to be Steven Seagal on every shaggin' job. 520 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,040 Stop fucking pretending to be Steven Seagal on every shaggin' job. 521 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,640 Steven Seagal, he was an awful ride when he was young. 522 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,360 Listen to me. Listen. 523 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,000 I want you two here keeping dog-eye. 524 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:48,080 I want you two here keeping dog-eye. 525 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,240 Me and Dickhead are gonna dig up some gardens. 526 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,480 Be safe back here. It's gonna be crazy out there. 527 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,640 What if someone comes? We're gonna need a signal. 528 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,000 Bark like a dog. But what if a REAL dog barks? 529 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,480 Bark like a dog. But what if a REAL dog barks? 530 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,600 Good point. Let's hear your dog bark. 531 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,400 (UN-DOG-LIKE GROWLING) 532 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,880 He's a big, sexy lad, in't he? Yeah, that's good. 533 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:04,000 Ruff! Jesus! 534 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,560 Ruff! Jesus! 535 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,240 Ruff! Go with that one. 536 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,200 High pitched, we'll know it's you. It's really nice. Let's go. 537 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,000 Stop carrying 'em like that. Doesn't look cool. 538 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:12,240 Stop carrying 'em like that. Doesn't look cool. 539 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,600 You look like a stripper. Ruff! 540 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,200 Oh, shit. 541 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,000 There's a fucking shed. 542 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,240 There's a fucking shed. 543 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,400 I take it the shed wasn't there before, no? 544 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,040 It's a new development. Ah. What do we do so? 545 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,000 Oh, just fuck it. 546 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:28,760 Oh, just fuck it. 547 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,480 Fuck's in there, dude? (ANIMAL BLEATS) 548 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,320 I don't know. They've got animals. 549 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,000 They can't even look after fucking kids.Oh. Big, large dogs. 550 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,520 They can't even look after fucking kids.Oh. Big, large dogs. 551 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,400 They're GOATS, you fucking pranny. Right. Sorry. 552 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:41,720 Fuck me! 553 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,000 Come on. You're alright. 554 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:44,640 Come on. You're alright. 555 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,400 (BLEATING) Get out. 556 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:52,000 How deep down is it? (SHOVEL HITS METAL) 557 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,000 How deep down is it? (SHOVEL HITS METAL) 558 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,320 Oh, Vin, Vin, Vin. You're having a giraffe. 559 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:57,840 Listen, listen. 560 00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,880 (TAPPING ON METAL) 561 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:00,000 Ohh! (LAUGHS) 562 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,040 Ohh! (LAUGHS) 563 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,600 Dude, no fucking way! 564 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,800 (BOTH GASP AND LAUGH) 565 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,440 I don't fucking believe it, dude. 566 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,280 Is this your one? 567 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,400 Course it's fucking MY one! 568 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,000 How the fuck... Get the fuck up. But there could be multiples. 569 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,240 How the fuck... Get the fuck up. But there could be multiples. 570 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:18,720 Get your spade. 571 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,000 Oh, shit. 572 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:24,720 Oh, shit. 573 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,920 Which one's mine? Is it that one? Stop looking. I think it's that one. 574 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,840 Are we not gonna read- No, you can't! 575 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,000 You can read it when I'm dead! Aren't you gonna read it yourself? 576 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:32,800 You can read it when I'm dead! Aren't you gonna read it yourself? 577 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,440 No! No, it's going behind the shack. 578 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,360 Putting it back in here, behind the shack. 579 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,000 If I die, you know where it is. Alright, there's two lists. 580 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:40,280 If I die, you know where it is. Alright, there's two lists. 581 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:44,160 One is for the funeral and one is for his ashes. 582 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,360 Jesus Christ, you lads went into s bit of detail! 583 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,000 We were in a bad way. Stoned. 584 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,160 We were in a bad way. Stoned. 585 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,240 We can't do all THAT.You sure you was only fucking stoned? 586 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,640 We'd just nearly died. I mean, Jesus Christ. 587 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,000 Is that even fucking possible? Circus-themed party. Jesus. 588 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,960 Is that even fucking possible? Circus-themed party. Jesus. 589 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,800 As long as we give him a fitting send-off, 590 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,880 we don't have to do ALL of it. No, we DO. 591 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,440 We DO have to do all of it. 592 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:04,000 We have to do every fucking bit. 593 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,280 We have to do every fucking bit. 594 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,120 TOMMY: It's what he would've wanted. Here he is! 595 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,480 (CHEERING) 596 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,120 Hello, it's me! I'm back! 597 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,000 DAVEY: I'm sorry to hear about your friend's accident, Vincent. 598 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,760 DAVEY: I'm sorry to hear about your friend's accident, Vincent. 599 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,360 (SNORTING) 600 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,000 That's a selfish line, in't it? Fuck me. 601 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:20,560 That's a selfish line, in't it? Fuck me. 602 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,880 I was very fond of Dylan. 603 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,600 It's ironic, of course, after so long you thought I'd killed him, 604 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,600 and he gets knocked over by a truck. 605 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:28,000 Yeah, well, that is if it WAS a fucking accident, dude. 606 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,680 Yeah, well, that is if it WAS a fucking accident, dude. 607 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,040 Christ. Are you kidding me? 608 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,760 I wouldn't be seen dead driving a truck. 609 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,000 Well, does it not seem like a bit of a coincidence 610 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:36,360 Well, does it not seem like a bit of a coincidence 611 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,280 that McCann gets the bloody hump about this statue 612 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,040 and then the next thing you know, poor Dylan's dead, in't he? 613 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,000 Yeah, I think it IS a coincidence, and shall I tell you why? 614 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:44,960 Yeah, I think it IS a coincidence, and shall I tell you why? 615 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,320 Because he doesn't want Dylan. 616 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,640 He wants YOU, Vincent. 617 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:52,000 Fucking meaning what? 618 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:52,920 Fucking meaning what? 619 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,840 Meaning he wants you dead. 620 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,160 And he's asked ME to facilitate it. 621 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,120 Shit. 622 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,760 You put him inside for a long time 623 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,000 and every single day, he festers on it. 624 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:08,760 and every single day, he festers on it. 625 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,520 I'm only surprised he's not asked me to do it sooner. 626 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,200 Alright, so what are you gonna do about it? 627 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,880 What do you think I should do about it? Hmm? 628 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,160 Shit, I'd rather you didn't fucking kill me. 629 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,800 I've got stuff to do. Know what I mean? 630 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,000 OK, let's just say that I DON'T kill you. 631 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,760 OK, let's just say that I DON'T kill you. 632 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,360 Do you really think Terence McCann 633 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,040 is gonna throw his hands up in the air 634 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,280 and go, "Oh, well, never mind"? 635 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,000 Don't be daft, Vincent. 636 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:32,760 Don't be daft, Vincent. 637 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,240 You're stuck with it. Shit. 638 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,000 You're gonna be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. 639 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:40,640 You're gonna be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. 640 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,960 You ever played Russian Roulette, Vincent? 641 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,000 No, funnily enough, I fucking haven't. 642 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,560 No, funnily enough, I fucking haven't. 643 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,480 Oh, it's a good game. 644 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,120 One bullet... 645 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,000 five chambers... 646 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:56,640 five chambers... 647 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,240 What's that now? A tiny percentage. 648 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,360 20% chance? 649 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,920 Fuck, no. 650 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,360 No? Fuckin' no. 651 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:12,000 Go on. No! Fuck that. 652 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,440 Go on. No! Fuck that. 653 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,040 No? Give over. No. 654 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,320 No? No! 655 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,320 Don't be stupid! No? 656 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:19,920 Davey, don't, dude! Don't! Bang! 657 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,000 What the fuck?! 658 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,720 What the fuck?! 659 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,560 You're a fucking lunatic. 660 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,000 See, we're cautious creatures, human beings, Vincent. 661 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,160 See, we're cautious creatures, human beings, Vincent. 662 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,240 But the ones that reap the rewards... 663 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,040 ..the ones that prosper... 664 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,920 ..they're the ones that take the biggest chances. 665 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,120 You were there for me when my brother died. 666 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,640 You were very kind. 667 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,240 And now you need a return on that kindness. 668 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,000 If I take care of your McCann problem... 669 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,840 If I take care of your McCann problem... 670 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,200 ..then I want you to remember what I have done for you. 671 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:07,320 Right? 672 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:08,000 Mm. Look at me. 673 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,040 Mm. Look at me. 674 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,480 Yeah. Yes. 675 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,000 Now you go and give your friend a fantastic send-off!Alright. 676 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,400 Now you go and give your friend a fantastic send-off!Alright. 677 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,000 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 678 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,560 Just tell me now, would it be deeply unethical 679 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,920 if we were to give Dildo's mum 680 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,000 the coffin without Dildo being in it? 681 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:40,600 the coffin without Dildo being in it? 682 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,360 Uh, yes! Unethical. Unthinkable. We could lose our licence. 683 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,760 That's only if someone finds out that it's happened. 684 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,000 You know, in my admittedly limited experience... 685 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,400 You know, in my admittedly limited experience... 686 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,080 people do generally assume that their relative 687 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:55,440 is, you know, residing in the box. 688 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,000 I know they never check, but - bitch or not - 689 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,160 I know they never check, but - bitch or not - 690 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,760 she's Dylan's mum and she deserves the decency of having him in there. 691 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,640 Meena's right. 692 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:04,000 Shit. 693 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:04,920 Shit. 694 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,240 Ooh, fuck me! Alright, alright. 695 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,440 Alright. What about if we share the bugger? 696 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,000 How do you mean?You've got two fucking rooms, ain't ya, 697 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,400 How do you mean?You've got two fucking rooms, ain't ya, 698 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:14,520 in the crematorium. 699 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,400 Yeah, they're always double-banking ceremonies.Get this, right. 700 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,000 So, Dildo's mum has her funeral. The coffin goes through the curtain. 701 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,880 So, Dildo's mum has her funeral. The coffin goes through the curtain. 702 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,400 We take him on the other side of the curtain in the other room, 703 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,000 and we do our own fucking funeral half an hour later. 704 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:28,440 and we do our own fucking funeral half an hour later. 705 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,680 D'you know what I mean? Or, actually... 706 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,600 I'm sorry. That's fucking genius. And on a serious note, 707 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,000 we kind of need some ashes as well. 708 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:36,280 we kind of need some ashes as well. 709 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,520 Hang on. Won't Dylan's mum want the ashes? 710 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,000 Yeah, we can't share those. 711 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,000 Unless we CAN, in which case, we will do that. 712 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,000 Oh, no, ashes are ashes. We'll just give some spares we have. 713 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,160 Oh, no, ashes are ashes. We'll just give some spares we have. 714 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,400 You've got spare ashes knocking about? 715 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,120 People don't bother collecting them. 716 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,000 Some tell us to chuck 'em in t'bin. 717 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,000 Not everyone's that loved. 718 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:52,560 Not everyone's that loved. 719 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,040 Oh. Dark. 720 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:56,880 We've got a fucking funeral to sort out. 721 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,560 Come on. Get yourselves together. 722 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,000 To be honest, that looks like a Missing Person's poster. 723 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,720 To be honest, that looks like a Missing Person's poster. 724 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,160 No, it's gonna stand out because it's white. 725 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,720 I think the blue stands out. It will get lost. 726 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,000 727 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:08,600 728 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,240 Hayley Carver. 729 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,000 Vinnie did say that Dylan was very, very smitten with her. 730 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:16,080 Vinnie did say that Dylan was very, very smitten with her. 731 00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:17,520 Captain of the netball team. 732 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,160 We used to call her the Medusa of midfield defence. 733 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,000 One look at her playing could turn your cock to stone. 734 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:24,200 One look at her playing could turn your cock to stone. 735 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,000 Avanti. 736 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,160 (KNOCKING) 737 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,000 Hayley? No. I'm from next-door. 738 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,200 Hayley? No. I'm from next-door. 739 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,160 She's been looking after my iguanas. Is Hayley there? 740 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,800 Who's asking? 741 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,200 It's... It's me... 742 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,800 It's me. It's Thom...Thom... Thom...Thom...Thomas Schaffner. 743 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,480 Tiny Tom? 744 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:48,000 Tiny tosspot Tommy? 745 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,720 Tiny tosspot Tommy? 746 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,960 Turdy tit head Tommy twat face with his tiny- 747 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,840 Yeah, that's the one... Yeah. 748 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,000 Oh, Hayley, sadly we are the bearers of very, very sad news. 749 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,480 Oh, Hayley, sadly we are the bearers of very, very sad news. 750 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,600 Your old classmate, and our dear, dear friend, 751 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,920 Dylan Golding has died. 752 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,000 Dildo? He has a request for you. 753 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,200 Dildo? He has a request for you. 754 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,280 From beyond the grave. 755 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,000 756 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:12,120 757 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,120 758 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,280 Yeah, the cat shat in his food, and he died of E. coli. 759 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,000 (LAUGHS) That's crazy, man. 760 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:20,360 (LAUGHS) That's crazy, man. 761 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,400 Hey Donny, Dave. Ash? You've got some nerve. 762 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,120 If Beasley finds out you're here, he'll kill you. 763 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:28,000 Never mind that. I've got a job for you. 764 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,000 Never mind that. I've got a job for you. 765 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,160 It's a cash-in-hand kinda situation. 766 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:32,920 Involving what? 767 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,000 before we get much older 768 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,400 before we get much older 769 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,000 I'm gonna go across the road. OK. 770 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,160 I'm gonna go across the road. OK. 771 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,600 OK. 772 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,600 That's for Dylan's funeral, so if you can make it... 773 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:52,000 Or not. Whatever. 774 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,200 Or not. Whatever. 775 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,040 Told you he'd be dead, didn't I? 776 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,720 You prick! 777 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,400 Will there be food and drink after? I'm gonna kill him. 778 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,160 I am gonna kill yer. Come on. Come on. 779 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:05,680 (GROWLS) 780 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,840 I have it on very good authority 781 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,000 that you're like Pablo Pi-fucking-casso when it comes to drones. 782 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,400 that you're like Pablo Pi-fucking-casso when it comes to drones. 783 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,920 I need something very, very specific. 784 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,560 Buy me a white wine spritzer and I'm all ears. 785 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,520 I don't want to make a big thing of it. 786 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:35,960 I'll just show you. 787 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,400 Jesus! Yeah. Yeah. Just let us in. 788 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,000 Jesus. OK. Thank you. 789 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:40,160 Jesus. OK. Thank you. 790 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,440 Can't have rats in a fireworks factory, can you? 791 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,480 The workers clock off at 5:30. 792 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,000 So, we can go and set some traps, 793 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:48,560 So, we can go and set some traps, 794 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,440 while you go and find a decent hiding place somewhere. 795 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,880 Disabled toilet. No one goes in 'em. 796 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,000 Well, except for, like, disabled people, Jim, eh? 797 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:56,760 Well, except for, like, disabled people, Jim, eh? 798 00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,120 That's prime shitting real estate. 799 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,040 Stop fucking arguing about toilets. 800 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,000 Listen, go and fucking lay some traps, pair of you. 801 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:04,800 Listen, go and fucking lay some traps, pair of you. 802 00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,120 Spread out. Look like you're meant to be here. 803 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,640 Go. Oh, fuck dude. 804 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,880 I'm doing it. You're dumb as fuck. 805 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,000 Does my head in. 806 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:12,520 Does my head in. 807 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,320 Fucking old twat. 808 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,120 Makes you think, don't it? 809 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:20,000 Someone dying. 810 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:20,920 Someone dying. 811 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,160 Have you achieved everything you wanted to do? 812 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:25,880 Yeah, man. 813 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:27,960 Gotta live true to yourself. 814 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,600 Gotta know real love, and... 815 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,120 ..you know, bring joy to the hearts of others. 816 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:35,800 I wanna do bukkake. 817 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,760 I've asked around but... 818 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,080 it's not that easy to arrange. 819 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,400 You've "asked around"? 820 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:44,000 In the pub, in farmers' forums. 821 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,240 In the pub, in farmers' forums. 822 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,080 Yeah, no takers? Not a fucking sniff. 823 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:52,000 Right, so just to clarify, 824 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:53,400 Right, so just to clarify, 825 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,960 who is it who's being jizzed on? 826 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:57,760 You? 827 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,000 Yeah. Not saying I'd like it. 828 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:00,400 Yeah. Not saying I'd like it. 829 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,880 So let's just leave it at that. Yeah, let's. 830 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,080 Hey up. 831 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,000 WORKER: Wayne, I'm off! See you tomorrow. 832 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,680 WORKER: Wayne, I'm off! See you tomorrow. 833 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,360 Alright, see you tomorrow. 834 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,000 (ELECTRONIC VOICE) 'Security alert. You are on camera. 835 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,400 (ELECTRONIC VOICE) 'Security alert. You are on camera. 836 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,400 Authorisation coded needed.' 837 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,240 4-5...1-8. 838 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:32,000 'Incorrect. You have two attempts remaining.' 839 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,760 'Incorrect. You have two attempts remaining.' 840 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,080 Shit! Vinnie, what's going on? 841 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:40,000 Can't you open the fucking shutters? I can't open the fucking shutters. 842 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:40,040 Can't you open the fucking shutters? I can't open the fucking shutters. 843 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,840 There's a fucking security robot. He's a dick. 844 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,560 'Incorrect. One attempt remaining.' Fuck off! 845 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,000 'Incorrect. Security breach. Security breach. Security breach. 846 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,240 'Incorrect. Security breach. Security breach. Security breach. 847 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,640 You must leave the premises immediately.' 848 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,040 Argh! 849 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,120 'Security breach. Security breach. 850 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,000 Security breach.' Fuck's sake, dude! 851 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,440 Security breach.' Fuck's sake, dude! 852 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,360 Hang on. Jesus Christ! 853 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,560 'You must leave the premises immediately.' 854 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,000 Fucking stupid thing. 855 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:04,040 Fucking stupid thing. 856 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,680 What the fuck you doing? There's a fucking AI robot, dude. 857 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,800 'Sensor down! Sensor down! 858 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:20,000 No intel. 859 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,520 No intel. 860 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,640 Please notify manufacturer.' 861 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,880 I've fixed it. 862 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,000 (ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC) 863 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:01,760 Christ. 864 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,360 (MESSAGE ALERT) Shit. 865 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,720 Oi. Oi! Get in t'cars and that. 866 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,000 I'm gonna ring that bloke, the Drone King geezer. 867 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,600 I'm gonna ring that bloke, the Drone King geezer. 868 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,040 Rocking and rolling. Get in there, Thomas. 869 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,880 Summat different about you today. 870 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,000 heartbeat 871 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,960 heartbeat 872 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,200 in the sunlight 873 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:32,000 874 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:36,120 875 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,600 876 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,000 could matter in our lives 877 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,400 could matter in our lives 878 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,560 (DRONES BUZZ) 879 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,000 880 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:48,280 881 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:52,200 882 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,240 883 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:56,000 as a change of heart 884 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,240 as a change of heart 885 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,280 think about the future 886 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,000 won't last forever 887 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,840 won't last forever 888 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,000 889 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:12,200 890 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:15,200 891 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,840 He wanted skywriting. 892 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,000 It's classy. Very classy. 893 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:20,520 It's classy. Very classy. 894 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,280 Ahh. 895 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:36,000 (THEY LAUGH) 896 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,120 (THEY LAUGH) 897 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,880 It's less classy now, obviously. 898 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,120 But now it's time to say a final goodbye, 899 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,000 committing Dylan's body to its resting place 900 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:52,640 committing Dylan's body to its resting place 901 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,760 and thus his memory to our hearts. 902 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,360 In love, we leave him in peace. 903 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,000 And with respect, we bid him farewell. 904 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,240 And with respect, we bid him farewell. 905 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,440 (CURTAIN MOTOR WHIRS) 906 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,120 (WHIRRING) 907 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,200 Listen. Er... 908 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,960 The first time I met this bugger... 909 00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,480 ..I was only little. 910 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,000 (SOBS) And I knew he was special. 911 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:04,160 (SOBS) And I knew he was special. 912 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,600 They say opposites attract, and they definitely did. 913 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,000 He was sensible...and handsome... 914 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,280 He was sensible...and handsome... 915 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,400 ..clever. 916 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,000 But when we were together, we were the same. 917 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:20,160 But when we were together, we were the same. 918 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:24,640 You know...we made a pact, when we were little... 919 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:28,000 ..that we'd never live a normal life. 920 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,400 ..that we'd never live a normal life. 921 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:33,880 I mean, fucking boring 9:00 to 5:00, 922 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,000 every fucking day starts looking the same, you know? 923 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,280 every fucking day starts looking the same, you know? 924 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,360 But I do... I realise now, that... 925 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,000 people do need a bit of normality... 926 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:44,280 people do need a bit of normality... 927 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,240 ..and just someone to love... 928 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,000 ..and someone to love them, too. 929 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,080 ..and someone to love them, too. 930 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,960 Somewhere to go, 931 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,480 somewhere you can call your own, you know? 932 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,720 And Dylan wasn't much different. 933 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,200 Life with me... 934 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:08,000 ..it was too chaotic for him. 935 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,120 ..it was too chaotic for him. 936 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,480 It was too scary. I think he was always... 937 00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:14,200 ..he was always panicked 938 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:16,000 that something fucking terrible might happen. 939 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:16,880 that something fucking terrible might happen. 940 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,640 Er... 941 00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,000 ..I just hope that in his final moments, you know, he was... 942 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,320 ..I just hope that in his final moments, you know, he was... 943 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,520 ..he was happy... 944 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:32,000 ..and he had some love in his heart, you know? 945 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,560 ..and he had some love in his heart, you know? 946 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:52,480 Um... 947 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:55,600 ..he wouldn't have wanted today to be sad. 948 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:56,000 No. No. 949 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,840 No. No. 950 00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,720 In fact, he, erm... 951 00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,960 he wanted it to be quite fun. 952 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,000 Um... 953 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:04,080 Um... 954 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,600 You all have a box in front of you, so if you'd like to open it... 955 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,000 Oh, fucking hell. 956 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,200 Oh, fucking hell. 957 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,960 Come on. You're fucking joking me. 958 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,000 And let's give the best goodbye 959 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,840 And let's give the best goodbye 960 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,240 to the beautiful man that was... 961 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,600 ..Dylan Golding. 962 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:28,000 Dylan. 963 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,360 Dylan. 964 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,080 Come on, let's sit down. 965 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:36,000 Come on, up, up, up... 966 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,480 Come on, up, up, up... 967 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,640 (MUSIC PLAYS) (CHEERING) 968 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,000 969 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,520 970 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,320 971 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,000 972 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,480 973 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,400 Lynda? Who's Lynda? 974 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,120 975 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,000 976 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:00,520 977 00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,160 978 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,160 I just told the Parson 979 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,000 980 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,120 981 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:14,040 I'm going to fall 982 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,000 on top of the world 983 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,480 on top of the world 984 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,200 985 00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:23,640 986 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:24,000 987 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,320 988 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,800 989 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,360 990 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:32,000 991 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,120 992 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,320 993 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,000 994 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,000 is making me say 995 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:44,560 is making me say 996 00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:48,000 top of the world 997 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,360 top of the world 998 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,800 999 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:55,240 1000 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:56,000 the blues, blues of the world 1001 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,680 the blues, blues of the world 1002 00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:02,480 1003 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,000 1004 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:04,680 1005 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:07,920 I just told the Parson 1006 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,960 1007 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,000 I'm going to fall 1008 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,960 I'm going to fall 1009 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:20,000 top of the world 1010 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:20,280 top of the world 1011 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,040 1012 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,880 1013 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:27,920 (FIREWORKS POP AND WHISTLE) 1014 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:28,000 (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) 1015 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,960 (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) 1016 00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,600 He was a wonderful man. 1017 00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,760 He was. 1018 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,000 I can see why he loved you all. Mm. 1019 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,960 I can see why he loved you all. Mm. 1020 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,000 Oh, shit. 1021 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:52,120 Oh, shit. 1022 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,520 Hm? I'll just be a minute. 1023 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,000 Fuck. 1024 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,000 My condolences. 1025 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:08,160 My condolences. 1026 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:09,680 Thanks, man. 1027 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,160 McCann is no more. 1028 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,400 Toodle-pip, sweetheart. 1029 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,080 Is... 1030 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,600 The King is dead, Donna. 1031 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,000 Long live the King. 1032 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:32,360 Long live the King. 1033 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:36,680 (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER CONTINUES) 1034 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,400 Here we go... (FIREWORKS POP) 1035 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,000 (CHEERING) Fucking hell. 1036 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:40,440 (CHEERING) Fucking hell. 1037 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,560 The Oogum Boogum Song 1038 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,000 Boogum now, baby, you're casting... 1039 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,680 Boogum now, baby, you're casting... 1040 00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:00,760 Drum roll, drum roll. 1041 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,320 Ohh! 1042 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:04,000 OK, quiet down in there, Ash. (LAUGHS) 1043 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,680 OK, quiet down in there, Ash. (LAUGHS) 1044 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:09,640 (CHEERING AND WHOOPING) Come on! 1045 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,000 like a clown 1046 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,440 like a clown 1047 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,200 1048 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,640 VINNIE: Have you got everything? Yeah. 1049 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,800 Are you ready to rock? Make sure YOU'VE got everything, because this is one hell of a walk. 1050 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,000 I'm ready for it. 1051 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:28,320 I'm ready for it. 1052 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,600 1053 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,680 sloppy shirt... 1054 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,000 I tell you what, I never thought he'd be the first to die, you know. 1055 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:36,400 I tell you what, I never thought he'd be the first to die, you know. 1056 00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,440 Who'd you think WOULD be? This cunt here. 1057 00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,880 Deranged fucking sex act, definitely- 1058 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,160 It has come very close, believe you me. 1059 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,000 (LAUGHTER) 1060 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:44,920 (LAUGHTER) 1061 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,720 I can see it! 1062 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:50,720 Come on, let's go. Come on. Last one up the hill's a knobhead! 1063 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,000 Jesus fucking Christ. Thank God for that. 1064 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:52,640 Jesus fucking Christ. Thank God for that. 1065 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,880 Oh, it looks gorgeous. Come on. 1066 00:43:55,720 --> 00:43:57,360 Oh, it's freezing. 1067 00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:00,000 Sickness. Come on. 1068 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:00,640 Sickness. Come on. 1069 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:02,280 CARDI: Woo, look at it. 1070 00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,560 Come on, let's have it. Are you having it? Yeah, man. 1071 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:08,000 It's a good-sized dick, in't it? 1072 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,120 It's a good-sized dick, in't it? 1073 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:13,480 Right, according to Dylan's instructions, 1074 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,000 he wanted this to be his final resting place. 1075 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:16,080 he wanted this to be his final resting place. 1076 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:21,080 OK? And his ashes, I quote, he wants 'em sprinkled... 1077 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,880 "like cum coming out of the giant chalk man's dick". 1078 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:24,000 Classy. Classy. 1079 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,080 Classy. Classy. 1080 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,480 So, going with 14-year-old Dyl's bloody wishes... 1081 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:32,000 let's jizz it out. Just give us an 'and with t'fucking wind. 1082 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:32,400 let's jizz it out. Just give us an 'and with t'fucking wind. 1083 00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,800 I don't want it coming out of his balls. Ready? 1084 00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,440 Yeah. 1085 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,760 Oh, shit, it's coming back. It's in my mouth. 1086 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:40,000 It's gone in my face a bit. 1087 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:40,400 It's gone in my face a bit. 1088 00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,160 I've eaten him. I've eaten a bit of Dylan. 1089 00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,240 Not for the first time. It tastes handsome. 1090 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,000 Come on now. Bring it in. 1091 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:48,520 Come on now. Bring it in. 1092 00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,600 Give us some bloody love, will yer? Come on, Erin! 1093 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,360 Erin, let's have a minute. Come on. 1094 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:58,200 Aw, for Dildo. 1095 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,040 1096 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,560 Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Dead Dylan Tours. 1097 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,920 This is your skipper speaking. 1098 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,000 Say hello, Ashley. Hello, Ashley. 1099 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:12,200 Say hello, Ashley. Hello, Ashley. 1100 00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:14,640 Very good. That's the first joke of the day. 1101 00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:17,520 Hope you're feeling fresh, fun and fruity. 1102 00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:20,000 1103 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:20,600 1104 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,240 1105 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,440 Having fun back there? Scream if you want to go faster. 1106 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,000 (ALL CHEER) 1107 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,200 (ALL CHEER) 1108 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,080 1109 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,000 (TYRE POPS) (ALL SCREAM AND YELL) 1110 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:36,440 (TYRE POPS) (ALL SCREAM AND YELL) 1111 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,480 (BUS CREAKS) 1112 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:46,920 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1113 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,720 Dickhead. What are you doing? Stay still. Stay still. 1114 00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,000 Oh, no. No, no, no. Fuck, we're literally on the fucking edge. 1115 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,600 Oh, no. No, no, no. Fuck, we're literally on the fucking edge. 1116 00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:00,000 We need to be down that end. 1117 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,320 We need to be down that end. 1118 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,920 But nobody make any sudden movements! Cardi! 1119 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:04,640 Cardi. Stop moving. 1120 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,680 Shh. (BUS CREAKS) 1121 00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:08,000 Listen. Any sudden movements, we're going over. 1122 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,760 Listen. Any sudden movements, we're going over. 1123 00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,720 Slowly... Slowly to the front of the bus. 1124 00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:15,760 Really fucking slow. 1125 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,760 Erin, really slow, sweetheart. 1126 00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:21,320 It's alright. You're alright. It's alright. 1127 00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:24,000 Come on. Come on. That's it. 1128 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,120 Come on. Come on. That's it. 1129 00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:26,880 Lovely. It's alright. 1130 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,440 Come on. Yeah, yeah. Slow. Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow. 1131 00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:31,960 Really slow. 1132 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:33,880 Oh, fuck. 1133 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,160 Well, that's not good. Shit. 1134 00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,200 It's the fucking beer. 1135 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:40,000 It's fucking gonna tip us over the other end. 1136 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:41,600 It's fucking gonna tip us over the other end. 1137 00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,960 I need to reduce some weight from down this fucking end. Bastard. 1138 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:48,000 I'm gonna crawl on my belly and I'm gonna hand shit back, one by one. 1139 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:48,640 I'm gonna crawl on my belly and I'm gonna hand shit back, one by one. 1140 00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,200 Fucking hell. Yeah? 1141 00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:51,520 Oh, God. Be careful. 1142 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,240 Oh, shit. 1143 00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:56,000 Vinnie, be careful. Go slow. 1144 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,160 Vinnie, be careful. Go slow. 1145 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,120 (BUS CREAKS) 1146 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,000 Vinnie, for heaven's sake. 1147 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:04,400 Vinnie, for heaven's sake. 1148 00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:06,400 I can't look, guys. I can't even look. 1149 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:07,760 I feel sick. 1150 00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,320 Come on. You're grand. You're grand. 1151 00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:12,000 Oh, fuck. 1152 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:12,360 Oh, fuck. 1153 00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,640 (BUS RUMBLES) (ALL MOAN) 1154 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,000 (BUS CREAKS) 1155 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:20,360 (BUS CREAKS) 1156 00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,440 Fucking hell. Shit. 1157 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:28,000 Just give me a minute. Just give me a minute. 1158 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:28,600 Just give me a minute. Just give me a minute. 1159 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:30,120 What? Why? Come back up. 1160 00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:31,840 Where's that fucking joint? 1161 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,640 Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare! 1162 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,000 I just... Shut up. Fucking getting a spliff. 1163 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:36,600 I just... Shut up. Fucking getting a spliff. 1164 00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,560 What are you doing?! Fucking hell. 1165 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,600 I fucking need to think. Don't I? Just... Just do me a solid. 1166 00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,000 Move as far back as you can. 1167 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:44,560 Move as far back as you can. 1168 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,680 What now, move back? I know there's no room. 1169 00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:48,840 Just squidge. Let's move back a little bit. 1170 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,840 Lean back! Lean back! Just a little bit, yeah? 1171 00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:52,000 Are you OK? 1172 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:52,200 Are you OK? 1173 00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:54,320 OTHERS: Yeah. 1174 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:57,280 Alright, where's me fucking lighter? Fucking hell. 1175 00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:03,040 Oh, fucking shit! 1176 00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,120 (ALL SCREAM) 1177 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:08,000 Shit! 1178 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:09,240 Shit! 1179 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:11,280 1180 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,840 1181 00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,840 1182 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,000 1183 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:24,000 1184 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,160 1185 00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,200 1186 00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:30,600 1187 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,000 1188 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:32,680 1189 00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:35,520 1190 00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,960 1191 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,040 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky